It’s Always Sunny in Phoenix.

Tonight was another example of the ref’s bias to more “important” teams. Instead of getting calls like the rest, we get nothing. Then, we breathe on an opposing player, and we get hit with a flagrant foul, along with a technical. The refs might as well just kick our team in the nuts at the start of every game.

Tonight’s scenario takes place in the lockerroom following the Phoenix game.

*Cut to scene*

Iavaroni: Guys, I know we lost the game tonight, but you know what? Its ok! Jesus and I love you! You are all winners in my book. Remember, its doesn’t matter if you win or lose, its how cute you look in your uniform!

O.J: Coach, I thought the saying was its how you played the game?

Iavaroni: No, silly pants! Come here and give me a big hug.

O.J.: Uhhh, no thanks coach. I ain’t into that man on man love shit.

*O’neill comes screaming down the hallway like a drunken whore, and bursts through the door*

O’neill: What’s all this hugging shit?! The only time men should touch each other is when they are kicking each other’s ass! Pansy boy over here grew up in one of those “liberal” households, where a Dad tells his son he loves him and shit! THE ONLY THING MY FATHER EVER DID WAS PUT OUT HIS CIGARRETTES ON MY NECK, AND USE MY HEAD AS A TABLE FOR HIS BEER CANS. LOOK AT ME, I TURNED OUT FINE!

Rudy: Coach O’neill, why are your ears bleeding?

O’Neill: THAT’S NORMAL FOR ME RUDY, KEEPS MY HEAD FROM EXPLODING!

O’Neill: O.J. AND RUDY, YOU BOYS PLAYED A GREAT GAME TONIGHT, BUT THE REST OF YOU PISS POOR BASTARDS BETTER PICK YOUR GAME UP, OR YOU’LL BE ON THE STREET GIVING HANDJOBS FOR CRACK ROCKS PRETTY SOON!

Darko: Coach, I think I play good game tonight. I try hard and shoot the ball.

O’Neill: WHAT’S THAT, YOU OVERSIZED MONGOLOID? YOUR GAME IS ABOUT AS GOOD AS GETTING GANG RAPED BY AN AFRICAN GORILLA! I HAD A BETTER TIME IN VIETNAM THAN WATCHING YOU PLAY!

Darko: *Sobs*

O’Neill: I’LL GIVE YOUR GIANT ASS SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! YOU THINK THAT YOUTUBE VIDEO OF YOU CUSSING ABOUT THE REFS AFTER THE GAME SCARES ME? I’VE TAKEN SHITS TOUGHER THAN YOU BOY!

Iavaroni: Now Kev, that’s no way to treat anybody! Lets all go out for lattes and get pedicures! My treat!

O’Neill: FIRST OFF, YOU CALL ME KEV AGAIN AND I’LL SLAP YOUR ASS SO HARD THAT YOUR TEAMMATES FROM PHILADELPHIA WILL FEEL IT! SECONDLY, THIS SISSY ASS MENTALITY OF YOUR’S HAS GOT TO STOP! I’M TAKING THESE BOYS OUT TO THE PONY WHEN WE LAND IN MEMPHIS, SHOW THEM THE ONLY PLACE WHERE PUSSIES SHOULD COME OUT TO PLAY!

Iavaroni: Oh my!

*End of scene*

There ya have it, folks. Twas another interesting lockerroom session again tonight. We will continue to keep you up to date with these stories, but for now……back to the party.

~ by hughgwang on November 14, 2008.