A Gay Letter.

Dear Rudy,

Its the head writer here at Grizzinyoureye. For tracking purposes, you can call me by my alias, Adolf Oliver Bush.

I just wanted to write you a letter telling you I’m a huge fan of you, and your game. Your athleticism is insane, your hops are incredible. I like your hops almost as much as I like the ones in my ice cold Bud Light.

I just have one question for you, bro:

WHY THE FUCK YOU AINT USIN THE DAMN ATHLETICISM??

Seriously, man…You’re a 6′9 SF with improved handles (seriously, last season you were so bad with your hands on the ball I wouldnt trust you to be able to jerk yourself off) with the ability to take it strong to the hoop every time on usually smaller or at the least lesser athletic players than you. You could get to the line better than this jerkoff Kevin Martin, but you’re settling for 19, 21, sometimes 25 foot jumpers, some of them while you are double teamed!

We all know you’re better than that. Besides, you know these motherfuckers here in Memphis. They’ll be calling for your head on that elementary school class they call the message board if you have any more bad shooting nights. Fucking arm-chair GMs…bad shooting nights are part of the game.

BUT…

Im not telling you to stop shooting these jumpers, kid. Hell, last season and even this season somewhat Ive seen you drill these jumpers. But you need to make defenses honest! Dribble-drive and get into the lane, so they pack the lane at the meer sight of you. That will in turn create space so you can get these open looks from 15 feet on out. Not to mention, perhaps jump start our at times anemic offense. Seriously, does our bench intimidate anyone? Lowry, Ross and Buckner combine to score about as much as Rocky Dennis at a South Beach nightclub.

As for the double-teams, man this isnt last year!! You’ve got some help now, down low in the Euro-Thug and out on the wing with OJ “The Motherfuckin Truth” Mayo. Get the ball to someone if youre doubleteamed and tripleteamed. If Mayo keeps shooting at the clip he is shooting, and Marc stays solid, they cant double all three of you at once, and we all know you can break a man down one on one…You’re still the face of the team no matter what people are saying (You can have TWO faces of the team, A DUO!) but you dont have to be the only one on offense. It’d help you become a complete player to get some assists on your season averages now that you’ve got a couple of reliable players to pass to.

Sometimes Rudy, its enough to make a motherfucker want to choke you out because its frustrating that youre not using your God-given athleticism. Please use it, because I dont want to have to try and choke you out while giving up 9 inches and a shitload of muscle mass.

 

Love in Christ,

              Adolf Oliver Bush.

~ by grizzinyourface on November 14, 2008.