It Doesn’t Matter if You’re Black or White…and Purple.

We resume our session after the embarrassment that was the Grizz/Kings game. The refs tonight sure shored up my faith in them, by missing multiple blatant fouls against the Kings, and calling multiple ”Ghost” calls ala Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze against our Grizz. To be expected, i guess.

Post game lockerroom meeting, *cut to scene*

Iavaroni: Yay fellows! Althoutgh we lost, you did a marvelous job at staying in the game, and showing a mentality that doesn’t quit! Hooray!

*Does the splits with Grizzlies pom-poms*

Rudy: Uh…..Coach, not trying to interrupt, but a loss is a loss. And if I must, the coaching on our behalf was shotty in certain areas.

Ivy: Well Rudy-Pooty, if I may call you that, I merely tried to instill confidence in our 2nd unit!

*Kevin O’Neill bursts through the wall, Kool-Aid man style*

Kevin: CONFIDENCE IN THE SECOND UNIT? FUCK YOU TWINKLETOES! THE 2ND UNIT MISSED MORE SHOTS THAN A BLIND HUNTER!

Ivy: Now now Kev, thats not the may to motivate. Splits and pom pom ruffles make us all say yayy!!

Kevin: NO!! HOG TYING THESE FUCKERS AND ROASTING THEM LIKE CHRISTMAS CHESTNUTS WILL DO THE TRICK!!! LIGHT A FIRE UNDER THEIR ASSES!!!

Darko: String them up!! Yea, do that!! Then I can fuck their mothers!!!

Kevin: DAMMIT DARKO! KEEP YOUR NUKE IN YOUR SHORTS!!

Rudy and OJ: Damn coach, this shit is getting out of hand.

Kevin: OUT OF HAND?? YOU ASSRAZORS DONT KNOW THE MEANING OF OUT OF HAND!!! TRY HAVING YOUR SCROTUM SERVED TO YOU ON A RUSTY RADIATOR PLATE IN VIETNAM, AND THEN COME TALK TO ME!!

Rudy: *Smiles* There ya go, now your minds are clean….men in black style bitches.

Kevin: I DONT UNDERSTAND ANY OF YOU!!!

Ivy: Who wants a drum circle?? Everyone grab your yoga mats!

Kevin: SHUT UP SKELETOR! YOU WORTHLESS LIVING CORPSE!! I NEED TO BRIEF THESE TIGHTY-WHITEY TAINTSMEARS ABOUT THE GOLDEN STATE GAME ON FRIDAY! I WANT TO TAKE IT TO THAT BLOATED CORPSE OF JOHN MADDEN, DON NELSON AND HIS MERRY BAND OF RUN AND GUN REJECTS!

Marc: I like living corpses! They remind me of my brother!!

Kevin: SOUNDS GOOD MANWICH, BUT LETS TALK ABOUT TEAM EFFORT! I WANT TO SEE TEAM EFFORT!! 5 GUYS ON THE WARRIORS LIKE THE WARRIORS ARE A REALLY HOT DEFENSELESS WHITE CHICK!!

Team: What the hell??

Ivy: Ok….Kev, I really wish you would cool it with the porn references.

Kevin: SHUT UP PAULY SHORE!

Kevin: 21 REBOUNDS OR MORE LAST TIME BY THAT SKINNY BITCH BIEDRINS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I WANT YOU FUCKERS TO BOX HIM OUT LIKE WE’RE PUTTING HIS ASS UP FOR SALE, YOU GOT IT?!?!

Rudy: Yea we get it, but whats the offensive scheme, Coach?

Ivy: Play hard, and have a yummy day!! Don’t forget to smile! Also, meet me in the locker room at 7:45 our time for pre-game Pilates!

Kevin: *Bitchslaps Ivy* I HATE YOU, PUSSYMOUTH!

*end scene*

~ by hughgwang on November 6, 2008.